BREAKING NEWS:
IN 2009 THE GOVERNMENT WILL START KILLING ALL THE CRAZY PEOPLE. I STARTED CRYING WHEN I THOUGHT OF ALL OF YOU!
MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU
Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.
Please select from the following options menu:
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1_ repeatedly_.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and
Your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully And a little voice will tell You which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, hang up.
It doesn't matter which number you press, Nothing will make you happy anyway.
If you are dyslexic, press 9-6-9-6.
If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep Or before the beep or after the beep.
But Please wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up.
Our operators are too busy to talk with you.
If you are menopausal, put the gun down, Hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry.
You won't be crazy forever.
Ifyou are blonde, don't press any buttons.
You'll just mess it up.
If you are a fly fisherman, go fishing with your cellphone, dunk it in the water and get it wet.
Now see who you can call!
This coming week is NATIONAL MENTAL HEALTH CARE week.
You can do your part by remembering to contact at least One unstable person to show you care.
